Guest Post: Will I love my second child as much as my first?

This week’s guest post is from Jillian Mak. Her blog is a great place for fun stories from mums and carers as well as ideas and tips to get you through the early years of childhood. Check it out and follow her at Early Learning Planet.

If you would like to contribute a guest post please send me a message!

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This was the nagging question, in the back of my mind, for nine months. This was the question I refused to ask out loud.

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time I was amazed. I was going to be a mother to a beautiful, perfect baby. My pregnancy was nothing short of magical. Every kick and hiccup was cherished and I spent hours day dreaming about this new little life. When I found out it was a boy I was in love. My son. My first child. I gave birth to my Maxwell in 2008 and my life was never the same.

In 2012 I found out I was pregnant again. I was beyond thrilled. A feeling came over me, my family was soon going to be complete. As my pregnancy progressed I realized it was completely different from my first one. I had no time to sit back and day dream about this new little baby, because I was busy with Maxwell. He had soccer, gymnastics, school, parties, and everything else that fills a 4 year old boy’s calendar. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time the baby kicked. I was too distracted to notice.

That was when I found out that I was having another boy. I was hit with a sudden thought-

Would I love this boy as much as my first boy?

I was tormented by this thought day and night.  I gave all of my love to my first son.  What would happen to be second? The guilt weighed me down. What kind of mother would think like this? I was a horrible person.

As my labor drew closer, my anxiety rose. I was scared to meet this new baby. I was scared that I did not have enough to give and what that would mean for this poor child. All too soon my labor arrived.  My fear was staring at me and I could no longer hide.

I gave birth to my second beautiful, perfect baby.

The moment I saw Lucas I fell completely, head over heels, in love with him. My life would never be the same again. All of my fears and anxiety melted away. I had two healthy, wonderful sons and I loved them both.

If you are feeling like I did, scared you couldn’t possibly love your second child as much as your first, you are not alone. Many women experience these emotions and it does not make them a bad mother.  Often times your second pregnancy is considered a distracted pregnancy.  You cannot put life on pause while you wait for your baby to be born.  Long gone are the days where you have a moment to put your feet up and dream about what your unborn baby will be when he or she grows up.  You are already a mother and you have about a million things to do.

Just remember, all of your children are different, which means the love that you have for them will be uniquely different.  The experiences you have with them will be uniquely different. New babies are strangers, to you and your family. When you bring them home everyone will have to take the time to get to know them, which is an amazing experience.  Cherish it.

There will always be enough love. I guess that is the power of being a mother. We can do pretty incredible things.

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Jillian Mak is a mother of two from New Jersey.  She has worked in the childcare industry for over a decade.  Check out her blog www.EarlyLearningPlanet.com or contact her at makjillian@gmail.com .

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3 Comments

Filed under Around the Web, General, Thoughtful

3 responses to “Guest Post: Will I love my second child as much as my first?

  1. Being scared doesn’t make you a bad mother, it makes you normal! 🙂

  2. Great post, thanks for the honesty! I have many impending anxieties about my second baby girl entering our family. I know I will love her the same amount as my first daughter but I wonder if I will be able to keep up with each of them individually. I want them to know they are special.

  3. you are not horrible at all! I find that we love each child is loved differently but just as much!

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